S3e20- We Killed Yamamoto ("There are moral absolutes.")

Well, Aaron Sorkin is taking us on a nice journey through leadership manuals.  Last episode, it was The Art of War, and in this episodes, it's Machiavelli's The Prince, which the President refers to in Italian- "Il Principe has has justified every act of oppression..." in response to Leo stating that doing something wrong to end another thing that is wrong is right.  There's a nice symmetry that exists between this and Josh's dilemma.  Through Amy's actions, Josh is forced into making this decision- grabbing votes to the right for every vote she takes from the left.  If he wins, he can claim victory, though the strength of the bill is less than what it was- better to win ugly that lose with your principals intact.

So, that paragraph above seemed smart, I think.  There was a nice parallel that I drew there- and plus I let you know that they were talking about Machiavelli.  So, I hope I've earned a bit of what is about to happen.

NASA didn't spend millions trying to develop a space pen, and the Russians didn't just send their cosmonauts up with pencils!

Folks, let me introduce you to the privately funded Fisher Space Pen:

That's right.  Designed by Paul Fisher, who invested a million dollars of his own money, patented the pen and has had the market all to himself ever since.  In 1967, he sold these pens to NASA for their use at the very reasonable price of $4 per pen- a bargain, considering NASA has tried two years prior to purchase Mechanical Pencils made by Tycam for $129 per pencil.  Fisher Pens ended up selling the Space Pens to the Russians in 1969, which replaced the grease pencils they were using.  Of course, even though these pens were cheap, Fisher got an incredible endorsement and marketing strategy for their product:

  

Fantastic.

If you've been reading this blog much, you'll know that I'm not usually someone who tries to find holes to poke- I'm all about celebrating this wonderful show called "The West Wing."  But I bought my first space pen long before I watched my first episode, and by golly, I'm going to stand up for the pen I believe in.   Aaron Sorkin should apologize to the Fisher Pen company for the egregious slander he commits in this episode.  SHAME!  He thought it would be ok to do, because his errors might have made for a better episodes, but Aaron, there are Moral Absolutes!  

Seinfeld's no better!  Really, Seinfeld?  Too cheap to use the proud Fisher brand name??

Seriously, though- I really am a huge fan of space pens.  Space foods, on the other hand, are the worst...  What an incredible marketing ploy- eat this thing that tastes like crap, but enjoy it, because it's as close as you'll come to orbiting the moon!

Oh my god, Sean Spicer must have really hated Space Ice Cream!

Shoot, there, I made reference to the over-cooked Tanning-Bed residue with a toupee who currently lives in the White House...  I was trying to not rise to the bait of Toby trying to get rid of his candidates tax problem (how quaint!), and the amazing quote "Jed Bartlet: Not quite as mean-spirited as the other guy." Doesn't really send me running to my polling place," which sent me into a spiral of despair thinking about this past November's Election.  

Oh well- better luck next time.

What's Next?  S3e21- Posse Comitatus

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S3e19- The Black Vera Wang ("All warfare is based on deception.")

The saying "all warfare is based on deception" mentioned by Bruno is from Sun-Tzu's The Art of War:

"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.”

It comes from the first of thirteen chapters, ranging from instructions on paying for warfare to the moral implications and responsibility of going to war. 

Needless to say, though this may be often referenced in MBA programs and television shows (Tony Soprano commented that he really was getting some nice advice from it in an episode of "The Sopranos"), I find it to be completely frustrating when applied in this way, as Bruno is encouraging Sam to remember that everything could be a threat, everyone could be an enemy, and it's that mindset that's probably contributed to the current state of affairs, which I've taken to calling "a bucket of melted democracy."  Everything's still there, but not in any recognizable form.

Anyhow, on to the meat of the episode.

As the title cleverly suggests, CJ goes dress shopping with her niece, Hogan, and tries on... you guessed it- a Black Vera Wang:

First of all, buy that dress, CJ- you look great- something I felt better typing until I remembered that's what the guy who's trying to kill her said in his last email to her.  Yucky.

It's worth noting that Hogan, is clearly an early version of a Host in WESTWORLD...

Yup, it's Evan Rachel Wood.

Second of all, I really appreciate the lengths to which they went to really get that product placement in there...

OOOOOHHHH... so that's a rack of Vera Wang dresses?

Yeah.  It's a Black Vera Wang.  Thanks, Sherri Wexler.  

So, that plotline is still in motion.  Newly set into motion is the rather ominous notion of the Qumari Defense Minister ordering an attack on the Golden Gate Bridge.  He was supposed to be helping the US with intelligence from the middle east, so apparently, he's also read The Art of War.  

Toby manhandles some network executives, but I have a question- he had four people in the meeting, and I want to know where the fourth network news president works.  NBC, ABC, CBS and who?  They didn't read The Art of War, because they made the planning for their attack far too obvious. 

Some intern, who may or may not be the first example of putting a Millennial character on television, got some moose meat from Donna, who got it from Josh, who got it from the Finnish Office of Protocol, and put it on eBay.  Though it turns into a nice lesson on the dwindling intern corps, in the end, it's just an opportunity to talk about moose meat.  

I thought this must be a joke, but then I visited a site maintained by Finland's Ministry for Foreign Affairs and Department for Communications.   There I found an article entitled "Close Encounters with the Mighty Moose"

Notice the chilling headline:

Um, excuse me?

That's right, the Finnish people are so crazy to eat Moose (Meese?), that there are petting zoos where you can pet, feed, and then eat a moose.  I'm all about the circle of life, but this makes "The Hunger Games" look like a May Day carnival.  

Or, maybe, they're just training the Finnish people in The Art of War, to appear friendly before attacking the Moose.  It's all about deception, after all.

What's Next?  S3e20-We Killed Yamamoto

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S3e18- Enemies Foreign and Domestic ("Frumpy?")

Sorry I haven't been up in a while- real life happens, and in this case, in a pretty major way!  So, please take a moment to welcome our newest family addition- my son, Oliver, was just recently born He carries the burden of sharing his name with the White House Counselor, Oliver Babbish, so my first gift to him will be a big gavel.

Moving on to this episode:

Honestly, while I enjoy it, it does have the feel of a "monster-of-the-week" episode... the Russians are building a nuclear reactor and we have to cancel the trip.  Wait- no we don't, because good job Sam!  Toss in a little Charlie magic, Toby having a weird day and CJ being an absolute badass, and you've got yourself an episode.  That's right, in "The West Wing," having four plots converge in 43 minutes while starting another arc (CJ's Secret Service Agent) elicits an "eh- it was fine, I guess."  Seriously, though, this episode has the feeling of being the beginning of things (and having watched only 30 times previously, I think I'm right) more than the end.  

Also, special shoutout out to this episode's intro (normally the "Previously on "The West Wing""), which allows everyone to introduce themselves.  Because it's like the 60th episode, and someone might be like "Who's this Bartlet guy everyone's talking about... oooooohhhh!!!!"

So, I want to take a moment to recognize something about this episode that is both completely amazing and not at all out of the normal for "The West Wing."  I've been listening to "The West Wing Weekly" to figure out what they're stealing from me (none of the bad jokes, all of the interesting facts), and they've mentioned this a few times before, so I will give them some credit.  When "The West Wing" goes out to hire someone for a limited run, or a recurring character, or a one-off, they don't just call central casting to ask for someone who is around 6' tall and looks good in a black blazer.  Who do they get?  Let's take a look at this episode (info from IMDB):

Ian McShane

...

Russian Negotiator Nikolai Ivanovich

Best Known for: Deadwood, Lovejoy.  Less Known for: Kung Fu Panda

John Amos

...

Percy Fitzwallace

Best Known for: Roots, Coming to America.  Less Known for: Playing Dulé Hill's Uncle on Psych

Peter Scolari

...

Antares C.E.O. Jake Kimball

Best Known for: Newhart, Girls.  Less Known for: Being Tom Hanks' Bosom Buddy.

Gregory Itzin

...

State Dept. Representative

Best Known for: 24.  Less Known for: Appearing in 5 different Star Trek spin off series.

Bill Cobbs

...

Alan Tatum

Best Known for: I'll Fly Away, Night at the Museum, The Bodyguard. Less Known for: Air Bud

Mark Harmon

...

Agent Simon Donovan

Best Known for: NCIS, Chicago Hope, St. Elsewhere.  Less Known for: UCLA Quarterback, 72-73

Now of these five, only John Amos is a recurring character in multiple seasons.  This is the first of 4 episodes for Marc Harmon.  The other 4 just showed up for this one episode.  Check out their IMDB pages, and look at how much these guys have been in, for Peter Scolari's sake!

Sooooo, I thought this would be a good time to give you my Top-10 Guest Appearances on the West Wing (thus far)...

Legal Notice: 

In order to be eligible for placement onto this completely irrelevant and made up list, actors must have appeared on no more than 1 episode of "The West Wing," and cannot re-appear later in the series.  Residents of Alaska and the District of Columbia are not eligible for placement onto this list.  The 45th President of this great nation is an absolute knob, and sullies the office he holds with his mere presence.  He did not approve of this message, which is what I believe he thinks should be the final step in all newsrooms, because once again, he's a knob who finds an independent press to be a supreme obstacle to his ultimate goal of screwing the American people with their pants on.  For the record, I am not a paid protester, but if someone's really offering, I'm interested and available.

1. David Hasselhoff as Himself- Don't Hassle the Hoff, Donna! (S1e16)
2. Yo-Yo Ma as Himself- Yo-Yo Ma RULES!   Boy oh boy, Donna has very little chill with regard to celebrity... (S2e10)
3. Felicity Huffman as Ann Stark- Amazing actor, terrific scenes with Toby, makes us long for more Sports Night episodes...  (S2e11)
4. Valerie Mahaffey as Tawny Cryer- First of all, amazing name.  Second, an amazing performance stepping into the show as an antagonist.  Terrific scenes with Toby! (S3e6)
5. Laura Dern as Tabitha Fortis- As with #2, a terrific actor in a wonderful role, with terrific scenes with Toby.  Wait- is this a pattern?  (S3e16)
6. John Laroquette as Lionel Tribbey- Promoted from Night Court to White House Counselor.  Uses a cricket bat to reinforce emphasis and hires Ainsley Hayes.  What more do you want?  (S2e5)
7. Karl Malden as Fr. Thomas Cavanaugh- Terrific actor in one of his last on-screen appearances.  Used the same bible as in On the Waterfront.  Nothing funny to say- honestly an amazing example of the caliber of guest-actors on "The West Wing." (S1e14)
8. Mary Mara as Sherri Wexler- I love to hate Sherri Wexler...  Don't mess with C.J., especially if you clearly didn't pay attention during 8th grade Social Studies. (S3e4)
9. Cara Delizia as Winnifred Hooper- Reads reports, yells at Sam.  Don't call her Winnie unless you want to be spat at.  (S2e17)
10. Bob Balaban as Ted Marcus- In a long career of being a guy that you recognize but whose name you can't remember, Bob Balaban as a Hollywood mogul is amazing.  (S1e16)

What's Next?  S3e19- The Black Vera Wang

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S3e17- Stirred ("Ulysses S. Grant would have slapped you in the face.")

Yikes.  

So many relevant plot lines in this episode to today's world.... just hearing the words "electoral math" send me into a spiral of grief and torment that I really need to address.  

Seriously, though, dear readers- I'm struggling.  At first, watching these episodes were like a bit of relief- an oasis in the day, that provided a nice breather from the insanity of what seems far longer than just the few weeks that President Bawbag has been in power.  Unfortunately, these episodes are just becoming reminders in the form of stark contrast.   So, I'm not going to talk any more about him, it, everything that's happening, anything.  I'm going to try to just be funny and talk about this episode as it exists in the West Wing world.  

So, to start off with:

Thanks for making me cry, Donna.

Honestly, as Betsy Devos tweets about teachers in receiving mode, it's nice to

Oh my god, I couldn't even make it one sentence.  Ok, second time's the charm:

As a teacher, this warmed my heart, to see how caring Donna was for her teacher, and how touched her teacher was to have Donna call.  Of course, having President Bartlet get on her case for not using the original Middle English to teach "Beowulf" was a nice cherry on top of that scene.  

Besides the main plots of Nuclear Waste disaster management and considering taking Hoynes off the ticket as VP, the next seemingly most major plot revolved around Aaron Sorkin trying to make us like John Hoynes, VP.  

Almost.

Truthfully, this is one of the most odd scenes in this season.  I remember having a hard time with it every time I watch it.  Here's the script for the portion that I'm talking about:

------------

HOYNES- It doesn't solve the problem of the electoral math. I don't know what the field's going 

to look like after Labor Day. The Etch-A-Sketch will be shaken up a little, but right now the math's tough. And I know right now you all think he's a punch line and I know why, but I disagree. They're sure running the right guy against us. 

(Long, pensive pause)

SAM- Am I really the only one who thinks a giant sumo wrestler in a hockey goal might get the 

job done?

JOSH- I don't know. I'm open to new ideas.

------------

Ok, just a few things-

First, who are you calling a punchline, and why do you think that everyone agrees with you, Hoynes?  For the record, that is truthfully the worst pep talk I've ever heard in my life.  I wanted to start liking you, Hoynes, but you lost me at that point.  The President shows his faith in you and the best you've got is "they're sure running the right guy against us?"  Ugh.

Second, most of the time, Sorkin is an absolute genius at bringing back something from earlier in an episode (Sam's idea about the Sumo Wrestler hockey goalie) to use in another situation that all of a sudden puts the tumblers right into place, and unlocking a moment of West Wing Wonder.  This time?  Square peg, round hole.  Josh responds to the Sumo Wrestler hockey goalie (hereafter referred to as SWHG) as though he's just had some sort of epiphany about how keeping Hoynes on the ticket is a new idea?  Honestly, it makes no sense to me.  

The SWHG does make sense to me, though. 

We also learn a little bit about Hoynes- specifically that the President didn't know he was an alcoholic (and doesn't exactly handle learning that information with a lot of grace), and Hoynes hasn't had a drink since he was 22- when he realized in college that he liked beer- a lot.   Presumably this was just after the events depicted in the political documentary on the early years of Hoynes, entitled "Animal House."

 A young Hoynes, full of potential...

...quickly became "the Otter," which signaled the end for Hoynes...

...thanks to an irresponsible friend group that only enabled the worst in young John Hoynes.

I know- you don't usually expect to find that type of deep, investigative journalism into the seldom-discussed backstory on West Wing characters.  

I will also say that I enjoyed the President doing taxes.  He should have called up the TurboTax people and had a chat like he did with the Butterball Hotline, but this was nice- as was buying Charlie a cd of a Gilbert and Sullivan Operetta to play on his new DVD player.  Not sure he really understands the technology.

I'd love to say that I'm interested in talking about James Bond's drink choices, or even Grant being an example of everything... but truth be told, I was obsessed with two images, now below:

Both of these guys are in the meeting to replace Hoynes, that Josh hopes will remain secret.  Who the hell are these people, and why are they sitting in a chair in this office.  This isn't the patio at a golf course, where anyone can pop on by to watch the leader of the United States discuss North Korean aggressions with the Japanese Prime Minister!!

Sorry- I promised I wouldn't.  Ed and Larry, if you can tell me who the hell these guys are, I'd appreciate it.  (ps, it took way to long to get screen shots of these two shady characters...)

Join me for the next blog post, where I'll be releasing tell-all's about:

 Josh's failed career in Hospitality.  

Abbey Bartlet's sordid past and relationship with someone named Kenickie.

What's Next?  S3e18-Enemies Foreign and Domestic

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S3e16- The U.S. Poet Laureate ("Intellect and Instinct")

Since re-starting my journey back into blogging along with watching "The West Wing," there have been several instances where this journey back into the idealogical Utopia took a sharp right turn into comparisons with the present state of things.  In this episode, I had moments of absolute whiplash.

1- Remember a time when saying this would have been met with shock and outrage?

"I think we might be talking about a .22 caliber mind in a .357 magnum world."

Oh, those were the days.  President Bartlet was reprimanded by members of Congress!  Now, compare that to the Cheetoh Voldemort (sorry, I refuse to use his name) said in his open mic controversy.  

Oh, those care-free days of the early 2000's...

2- .... and then the response:
"The President didn't realize that the camera was hot and he said something he shouldn't have, as we all do from time to time."

As for Cheez-who-must-not-be-named?  Well, he obviously went on to say that it was locker-room banter, apologize to his wife,  remind people that he thinks the Clintons had done worse, and earn 320 electoral votes from the party that was supposed to be standing for family values.

I know, I'm on a roll... don't stop!

Ok- take a read through these lines from Sam's conversation with Ainsley:

SAM- We're of the belief that if you're going to set policy, it'd be a bonus to understand it.  And at this point, we'd be astonished to discover that [he] had read as many as six journal articles on anything other athletic support mechanisms.
--------------

SAM- Good advisors could better advise informed and curious Presidents.

--------------

SAM- Because before I look for anything, I look for a mind at work. Nobody's saying the President needs to have a tenured chair in semiotics, but you have to have...

AINSLEY- What?

SAM- Gravitas.

AINSLEY- And how do you measure that?

SAM- You don't, but we know it when we see it, and Republicans tend to mock it

when they do.

--------------

Oh, Sam... if only you know what was happening in the real world...

Whew.  Felt good to get that out of my system.

Quick Hits:

• Lemon-Lyman.com- not currently active, but thankfully, there is  http://lemonylyman.tumblr.com/  Not a bad substitute.
• Interesting background on Sorkin's inspiration for this plotline here: 

• Toby and Tabitha- Oh, wow.  First, what an amazing job of wardrobe for a poet.... and I have to say, I'm a bit impressed with Toby's game!

• Finally, has there ever been a more unexpected Toby than this Toby?

I love this show.

Keep watching, keep laughing, keep calling your congressional representatives (and a few other people's representatives, while you're at it)!

What's Next?  S3e17-Stirred

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S3e15- Dead Irish Writers ("I'm like Gatsby, but without the problems.")

Considering all the time we've been spending reading the news and trying to discern truth from belief, facts from alternative facts and Sean Spicer from Melissa McCarthy, what a nice change of pace this episode was, right?!

I love this episode, because it shows the number of layers that exist in any given Sorkin Script, but my goodness, there is a world of competing beliefs in this episode:

1. Chuck Kane thinks that Josh was on Crossfire, but it was Sam.  
2. INS re-defined the border, so Donna is now Canadian.
3. Abbey switches between "Abbey" and "First Lady Abbey," although clearly Donna missed the notification
4. The British Ambassador tells us that Brendan McCann cannot come to the White House (a few times), but clearly arrived to drink, compliment Abbey's decolletáge, and insist that Brendan McCann must come to the White House.
5. Sam insists that he's not an instigator, only to instigate a fight.
6. Amy is both Josh's girlfriend and a political adversary at this dinner.

All of these mixed and mistaken identities continue to move the episode forward, but nothing as much as two bottles of wine back in the residence.  

As long as we're talking identity, let me get this out there:

 Abbey=Carrie, Amy=Samantha, CJ=Miranda and Donna=Charlotte.  

I'm not going to lie- this makes me incredibly happy.  

Two brief connections to the real world that I'd like to point out:

• Brendan McGann cannot come to the White House- on January 31, 1994, Sinn Fein's leader Gerry Adams was granted a 48 hour visa to visit the United States by Bill Clinton over the objection of... everyone.  A small step towards the August 1994 cease-fire, and a remarkable moment along the path to peace in Northern Ireland.
• The Superconducting Super Collider is a real thing, that really lost funding after 2 billion dollars had been spent.  The project was cancelled for a multitude of reasons, chief among them the uncertainty revolving around the cost of the magnets required, that had not been designed or built yet.  It's a real place in Waxahachie, Texas, and is sometimes known as Desertron, or sometimes called a 2 billion dollar hole in the ground. 

Finally, in case you've missed it, #alternativeSpicer=

What's Next?  S3e16-The U.S. Poet Laureate

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S3e14- Hartsfield's Landing ("Claudia's House of Useless Knowledge")

Yeesh.  So many weird little things to sort through in this episode, that I don't really want to deal with any of them.

So I'll just list them quickly:

1. If this ficticious Hartsfield's Landing is the first votes cast in the New Hampshire Primary, why are we worried about anyone voting for Ritchie, who is running for the GOP nomination?
2. I'm fairly sure that half of the chess references are wrong.  Not sure why Aaron Sorkin didn't just google up some chess facts, but if you, dear reader, google up this episode, you'll find all the chess things.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge nerd, on an "I can tell you the best order to watch the Star Wars movies in" level.  But not even I want to really talk about chess that much. 
3. Most of the time, I enjoy the parallel plotlines that exist in a good episode of the West Wing.  Unfortunately, the pervasiveness of chess throughout the episode feels very clunky to me.  But maybe that's just me not seeing the whole board.  
4. What's up with the President's posture when he start's playing chess with Toby?  
5. Nobody went to India with the President?

Whew.  Good to get that off my chest.  

And what the hell is in Gail's fishbowl?  ARGH!

Ok, now I'm done.

Chess aside, I really love this episode.  A lot.  Charlie v. CJ is an amazing one-sided butt-kicking, that culminates in Charlie managing to have CJ's desk fall apart.  Go back and watch it again, though- you'll see this reaction from CJ, which I absolutely love... 

I also want to point out that there's clearly been some progress made by the Cartographers for Social Equality, because there's a Gall-Peters Projection map in Donna's office...

...which makes me happy.

What also makes me happy is the strong sense of brinksmanship in this episode.  Obviously, the President sending the fleet only to turn it around in the last minute- but in his conversation with Toby, there's a few nice details.  I could be wrong, but I think that the President mirrors Toby's first three moves- chess's version of chicken.  Each of them take the conversation right up to the edge of the previous conversation- Toby's "He was an idiot," referring to the President's father, and the President's warning to Toby to not cheat, because he knows where all the pieces are on this board, a board in Sam's office and a board that presumably hasn't been played on for a long time.   Still, though- cooler heads prevail, and the conversation moves back to safer waters:campaign strategy.  

One last thing- a celebration of the details...

In the last 10 seconds of the episode, they show footage of the Hartsfield's Landing vote going on on one of the tv's... and it is amazing the level of detail achieved for something so quickly passing.  

Notice the sign in the background?  Go back and watch, because it's clearer when it's moving, for some reason....

Here's a picture from Dixville Notch, which is one of the inspiration for the fake Hartsfield's Landing:

They've created the exact same sign.  A part of the West Wing culture is that everyone is really passionate in their job, and has a desire to be excellent- from Martin Sheen to the person responsible for dressing a set used for b-roll on a fake news broadcast that's in the last 10 seconds of an episode.  Yes, I'd love it if I could believe that our government was this compassionate and driven to greatness for everyone- but I think the more you watch the West Wing, you start to create another ideal- the working environment where everyone clearly cares this much- and I love that about this show.

What's Next?  S3e15-Dead Irish Writers

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