What's Next?: S3e17- Stirred ("Ulysses S. Grant would have slapped you in the face.")

Yikes.

So many relevant plot lines in this episode to today's world.... just hearing the words "electoral math" send me into a spiral of grief and torment that I really need to address.

Seriously, though, dear readers- I'm struggling. At first, watching these episodes were like a bit of relief- an oasis in the day, that provided a nice breather from the insanity of what seems far longer than just the few weeks that President Bawbag has been in power. Unfortunately, these episodes are just becoming reminders in the form of stark contrast. So, I'm not going to talk any more about him, it, everything that's happening, anything. I'm going to try to just be funny and talk about this episode as it exists in the West Wing world.

So, to start off with:

Thanks for making me cry, Donna.

~~Honestly, as Betsy Devos tweets about teachers in receiving mode, it's nice to~~

Oh my god, I couldn't even make it one sentence. Ok, second time's the charm:

As a teacher, this warmed my heart, to see how caring Donna was for her teacher, and how touched her teacher was to have Donna call. Of course, having President Bartlet get on her case for not using the original Middle English to teach "Beowulf" was a nice cherry on top of that scene.

Besides the main plots of Nuclear Waste disaster management and considering taking Hoynes off the ticket as VP, the next seemingly most major plot revolved around Aaron Sorkin trying to make us like John Hoynes, VP.

Almost.

Truthfully, this is one of the most odd scenes in this season. I remember having a hard time with it every time I watch it. Here's the script for the portion that I'm talking about:

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HOYNES- It doesn't solve the problem of the electoral math. I don't know what the field's going

to look like after Labor Day. The Etch-A-Sketch will be shaken up a little, but right now the math's tough. And I know right now you all think he's a punch line and I know why, but I disagree. They're sure running the right guy against us.

(Long, pensive pause)

SAM- Am I really the only one who thinks a giant sumo wrestler in a hockey goal might get the

job done?

JOSH- I don't know. I'm open to new ideas.

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Ok, just a few things-

First, who are you calling a punchline, and why do you think that everyone agrees with you, Hoynes? For the record, that is truthfully the worst pep talk I've ever heard in my life. I wanted to start liking you, Hoynes, but you lost me at that point. The President shows his faith in you and the best you've got is "they're sure running the right guy against us?" Ugh.

Second, most of the time, Sorkin is an absolute genius at bringing back something from earlier in an episode (Sam's idea about the Sumo Wrestler hockey goalie) to use in another situation that all of a sudden puts the tumblers right into place, and unlocking a moment of West Wing Wonder. This time? Square peg, round hole. Josh responds to the Sumo Wrestler hockey goalie (hereafter referred to as SWHG) as though he's just had some sort of epiphany about how keeping Hoynes on the ticket is a new idea? Honestly, it makes no sense to me.

The SWHG does make sense to me, though.

We also learn a little bit about Hoynes- specifically that the President didn't know he was an alcoholic (and doesn't exactly handle learning that information with a lot of grace), and Hoynes hasn't had a drink since he was 22- when he realized in college that he liked beer- a lot. Presumably this was just after the events depicted in the political documentary on the early years of Hoynes, entitled "Animal House."

A young Hoynes, full of potential...

...quickly became "the Otter," which signaled the end for Hoynes...

...thanks to an irresponsible friend group that only enabled the worst in young John Hoynes.

I know- you don't usually expect to find that type of deep, investigative journalism into the seldom-discussed backstory on West Wing characters.

I will also say that I enjoyed the President doing taxes. He should have called up the TurboTax people and had a chat like he did with the Butterball Hotline, but this was nice- as was buying Charlie a cd of a Gilbert and Sullivan Operetta to play on his new DVD player. Not sure he really understands the technology.

I'd love to say that I'm interested in talking about James Bond's drink choices, or even Grant being an example of everything... but truth be told, I was obsessed with two images, now below:

Both of these guys are in the meeting to replace Hoynes, that Josh hopes will remain secret. Who the hell are these people, and why are they sitting in a chair in this office. ~~This isn't the patio at a golf course, where anyone can pop on by to watch the leader of the United States discuss North Korean aggressions with the Japanese Prime Minister!!~~

Sorry- I promised I wouldn't. Ed and Larry, if you can tell me who the hell these guys are, I'd appreciate it. (ps, it took way to long to get screen shots of these two shady characters...)

Join me for the next blog post, where I'll be releasing tell-all's about: